Seeking Light in the Darkest of Days-Part III

I began writing Seeking Light in the Darkest of Days in 2003 with intention of the devotions and meditations becoming a book of seasonal liturgy for the Winter Solstice-the waning and waxing of light. The original draft began the day after Thanksgiving with prayers and invocations that centered around gratitude because I wanted that theme to carry through the entire manuscript, which included the Feast of Sol Invictus but ended in the Spring after the daylight began to measurably grow longer.

After writing the introductory sentences for the first days and their  accompanying reflections and meditations, I realized that carrying that through to the Solstice broke neatly into three sections of seven days, which I was pleased to find because I wanted the devotions to echo the premise of the Latin octava dies, or an octave ( which is known commonly as an 'eighth day' but is actually just a seven day week). The concept of the 'eighth day' gives the octava dies a magickal feel somewhat like the proverbial "day that is not a day" outside of ordinary time that is spoken of by some traditions during circle casting. The sanctity of octava dies is, of course, implied because it is men who set things apart to make them sacred.

I have always loved the weeks of anticipation that lead up to Christmas Day known as Advent in the Christian tradition. The word Advent simply means "coming", but there is so much more feeling and emotion to those weeks because the faithful were waiting for the cycle of the Church year to begin again, for the Son of God to be born, for the story to continue as it had throughout the centuries. When I was studying to enter seminary and much better versed in mythology, I understood the wideness of that waiting. The Divine Child expanded beyond the Christ Child and the Son; he was surely all of that, but much more as Sol Invictus, the Invincible Sun, the All Provider who returned on the horizon just in time before our agrarian ancestors rant out of food (and hope) in the middle of the cold season. With the lengthening light, the return of the Invincible Sun truly made him a savior in a very literal way. More sunlight during the day meant more warmth and less worry about what would happen when the dried,smoked or salted meats and vegetables ran out because-hooray-warmer weather meant the ability to plant and herd animals in the fields. I wanted to capture the emotion of thanks giving and gratitude in that moment in what I was writing. I had the first seven days written out and quickly added the draft of a second octave...and then everything stopped, because as often happens, Life took a turn and there were other priorities to attend to. I became ill and lost my job, and subsequently was evicted from my apartment and was actually staying in a homeless shelter for awhile. Life during that period was difficult, disconcerting, unsettled and frightening. What brought me through was the knowledge of cycles I'd learned from practicing a path of Pagan spirituality. Life occurred in cycles: being homeless was like surviving the uncertainty of Winter- but Spring would follow and things would improve until I entered my own personal Summer season and things would works themselves out and I could get settled back into a normal life. Things might not be the same, but they would stabilize, and they did.

Thankfully, before all of that happened, I'd had the foresight to transfer the original copy of what I was writing in a composition book onto a disc and stored it with friends who kept my other belongings while I was rebuilding my life. That is the first fourteen days of Seeking Light in the Darkest of Days. The final seven days were drafted a few weeks ago and appear here now. After so many years have passed-twelve to be exact-these passages had a history and the backstory deserved to be known. I have used these words in personal ritual, in public readings, and in groups. My spirit has whispered them to my soul when I had very little to hold on to, and they have endured time and again. And so, here is the last octave to Seeking Light in the Darkest of Days:

Day 15
“ God may be in the details, but the Goddess is in the questions. Once we begin to ask them, there’s no turning back”   - Gloria Steinem
I think it's equally important to discern not only the answers but the questions themselves. Why is this being asked and why at this particular time? The question is only answerable in the moment; in the next moment, the answer will different because the moment is different. All there is appears as Now as soon as the question is asked.The questions are static, but the answers- like the Goddess and the tides of the Moon- are fluid and changing. The only thing that continues to endure is the Goddess, She of Many Names. The God, as Consort, is indeed in the details, but because he plays many roles, it is he who defines us in that frozen moment in time.

In the shining disc of the Moon, I see  Your reflection- and my own.


Day 16
“ I gradually came to understand that beneath the familiar goddesses of the patriarchy, there is a much more ancient Goddess.” Carol P. Christ

The majority of us came into the realm of religion through man-made, patriarchal religions. Father God was considered the All and Everything. There was No One else. Worship of the Goddess had been suppressed and She was only glimpsed through the many female saints the Church Fathers allowed the faithful to venerate.   Think how differently the mainstream religions would be reacting to the world's problems had the Goddesses of Antiquity been allowed to thrive.


I reach among the thorns, seeking the Holy Rose.


Day 17

"This sunlight linked me through the ages to that past consciousness."Richard Jefferies

I often stand in these last few days of the year yearning-for what I do not know. I feel a bit sad and a bit in awe at once, and the emotion is bittersweet. Holiday memories come flooding back, but there is still something calling me from beyond the time I was born. I have several beliefs about what happens after we die, and on of those beliefs is that our soul fragments into pure light upon the moment of death and we return to the Universe, or the Cosmic Cake Mix, as a friend likes to call it. I like this idea of us all being mixed together, a little of this one and that one being added in to make a new creation, and I often wonder if that's where lives we've lived before come from.

We are drawn to the beckoning light to become- just to become. Living life will take care of the rest.

Day 18

"The leaf that captures a stream of sunlight, and then transfers its energy to the tree, serves one purpose in the spring and summer, and another completely different one through the fall and winter."

Guy Finley

It's been said that each of us have our own path, our own job to do in this life. We make our contribution to humanity in individual and unique ways. I believe we are destined to do this. I also believe that it will take an entire lifetime for most of us to know what that will be.

Reflect, O Radiant Soul, on your being. Honor the source that birthed you.

Day 19
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”  Albert Schweitzer

This quote from Schweitzer is perhaps his most famous. It is certainly my favorite from him. There are days my light doesn't burn as brightly as it should and days when I have enough light to share with someone who isn't reflecting the light as well as they could. There are too many who have kept space with me to name; unfortunately I've forgotten the names of others. But I am grateful they have fed my flame on those dark nights of the soul.

Rise up in me, O Flame of Illumination and Glory and light my path.


Day 20
We wait for many things. Our longing is never ending. We have momentous wants and expectations.
We aren't always granted our desires, and in a way I believe that is good; it teaches us that we are not as in control of things as we think we are, that there is something or someone guiding us through the Universe and the vastness of life. Our task is to find and identify that something or someone and develop a relationship as a co-creator so we may share in a living stewardship.

Who or What or Where....I do not know now. I wait for the clouds to part and show me Radiance.

Day 21
The Longest Night of the Year, the Shortest Day. We kindle our fire for warmth and light, bring in the evergreens to remind us that life continues even in the cold times, and hang them with bright ornaments to encourage the Sun-the Spark of Life-to return. If we are fortunate, we gather with friends and break bread to tell the old stories and. The spirits of our ancestors and beloved dead stand just beyond the shadows as we lift a cup and remember their names. As we celebrate the return of the Invincible Sun, we ask the Divine Child to remember us, too. Good Jul to us, and every blessing.

From the fading day to the quickening light, let us remember that we are the Guardians and Stewards of this sacred place, this holy land, our home. Let us welcome the Lord reborn and the Lady who gives life, and let us see the Divine in each other.

Holiday Housekeeping:Tying Up Loose Ends

Every so often I feel I need to do a little housekeeping to tidy things up and tie up what feels like loose ends to me. This is one of those posts. At the end of it are a few simple rituals I use personally to feel grounded during this time of year.

To begin: there have been some really good seasonal posts on Yule customs recently out in the Pagan blogsphere, and I don't feel I can add anything to that conversation. I don't like rehashing things because I think it's a waste of time, energy and bandwidth-so I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to recommend you go to Pathos Pagan or The Agora and read Jason Mankey's blog Raise the Horns,  or take a moment to do a web search for current posts on the subject. There's plenty of well researched material out there just for  the effort of a few key strokes.
      
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There are some marvelous 'think pieces' out there right now. I'm all for civil discussion, otherwise I don't feel that life has to be a roiling debate. I'm definitely over hearing about the "War on Christmas". Every time I come across a heated, hateful argument on the subject, I have to remind myself that we live in a diverse world of  joy and wonder and we have a lot to celebrate. All I'm asking is that we try to be considerate and respect how others enjoy their holiday-whatever holiday that may be, whatever is meaningful to them. You can just nod or smile in acknowledgement (even if you are a non-believer). It's not necessary to fire off an expansive missive or start a flame war about how others have appropriated this or that, or how you were emotionally wounded by______ ( fill in the blank) religion as a small child. Really, none of us need to add to the drama right now. We've all seen that meme in our Facebook feeds of the manger scene with the caption, " They're trying to keep this from being shared on Facebook." or the Green Man with the wording," This Christmas tradition was stolen from Pagans." Hide the post, delete it, or unfollow the person passing it around-or totally ignore it. That's what I do, because I don't feel everything others post need my personal input. I don't have the time, energy or desire to reply to everything that other people post.

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And absolutely, positively, I am sick to death of reading about the claimed superiority of certain individuals' spiritual practice. I am tired of witnessing the unbridled attacks of others on fellow bloggers-petty, nit-picking,trivial quibbling and nasty name-calling- because someone doesn't happen to share your flavor of Paganism, worship your gods, or dance to the same drum. And while I'm having a little rant here, I hate the term 'fluffy bunny' because it's not only disingenuous...it's downright stupid. We need to stop bullying each other. Are we in junior high school? Feeling threatened? Is it really necessary to join in or hide behind mob mentality to make ourselves feel better about the doubts we have concerning our own spirituality? The truth- if we are to be honest- is that at some point in the formation of our path, each of us have felt inadequate. We need to find other ways of dealing with those feelings other than poking at the next person or picking at scabs.

A few years back, fellow blogger Fire Lyte at  Inciting a Riot came up with Project Pagan Enough, which I still feel is an excellent answer to the hubris. In a nutshell individuals are encouraged to do whatever feeds their souls-do what feels right to you, and don't worry about what someone else thinks about what you do, who you revere, or how you go about it. I have kept the logo for Project Pagan Enough on this blog for the last five years because I wholeheartedly agree with its mission statement-that you are Pagan Enough for your own needs and I am Pagan Enough for mine...http://www.incitingariot.com/p/project-pagan-enough.html  And if something still bothers you, there is always the delete button-use it. I'm not shy about using mine, and I'm happier for it.

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The Winter Solstice is looming large on the horizon of our common life in the Northern Hemisphere, and beyond the Longest Night of the Year, there is the merriment of the various holidays-Saturnalia, Winter Skoal, Yuletide, Christmas or however you choose to celebrate and ring out the old. Even though Samhain began the new cycle of the Celtic Calendar, we still have New Year's Eve and New Year's Day :the time when Janus looks back into the old and forward into the future. ( An aside: If you want to read an excellent book about the season, I recommend John Matthew's Yule, which is well researched and an indispensable resource.) As much as I love the festivity-because I am all about decorating and celebrating any holiday-I also feel an urgency as the year ends. The Wild Hunt has come and now is returning to that place it resides for the rest of the year. I watch it go farther into the distance with a bit of sadness. There was so much I wanted to do and did not get done and as I get older, the year is filled with priorities that push the things I wanted to do to the side...and that urgency is fueled by frustration. The Buddhists have a saying that the regrets of men are as many as the birds in the air, and I certainly have my own flock of birds. They circle and honk at me to bring my attention to what I have left undone-intentionally or unintentionally. No matter how much I wave my arms above my head, they're still following me, joining the birds/regrets of past years, pecking at my resolve when I let them. I think each of us have that feeling to some extent.

The way I often deal with this is to take those regrets to the Place of Deep Indwelling, down where it is quiet and peaceful in my spirit, to see what I can salvage or make sense of. At times those things have  become the new seeds of renewal, their planting recycled into a new beginning to be realized when they have reached the point of fruition. I have manifested many beneficial things this way,by examining things a bit closer or changing my attitude about them. There are also things that must be firmly and finally cast away when they are worn out and no longer serve. It's difficult because I am a hoarder of projects. I need to remind myself that I can only juggle so many balls in the air at a time. It's true that the Universe has unlimited energy, but that energy is only available if it is used wisely.

Every so often-usually at the full moon-after I end the ritual and close the circle I create a space around myself and invite the Goddess in to continue the conversation.I don't do this every time, only when I feel the need. I sit comfortably, sip a cup of tea or wine, and tell Her everything that is on my mind. Burning a little sage followed by sweetgrass aids me. It make it into an offering to carry my words. If I am anxious about something in particular, I let go of it by having this quiet conversation and then listening. Sometimes the answers come right away, sometimes they come in incubated dreams. Sometimes I don't "get" an answer until much later or when I least expect it, or through the actions of others. Near the end of the year, usually between Christmas and New Year's Eve, I make time for this little ritual and retire whatever is still bothering me- and it works for me, every time, without fail. It allows me to go into the New Year much more focused and knowing what my immediate priorities are on mundane and spiritual levels. It is a gift to myself. The other ritual I have for this time of year is that I go around the house anointing the doorways,windows and other portals asking Janus to open them to future possibilities. It is a simple ritual, and I change the script to fit the situation. The invitation to Janus need only be a few simple words; a bit of incense, consecrated oil or a bell to beckon Janus in are a nice touch. I have done this ritual alone and with a group in a call and response format. If you would rather, you can substitute inviting Spirit into the portals and spaces.

Speaking of tying up loose ends, the next post will include the final week of reflections and meditations I began a few years back when I was seriously thinking of writing a book of Pagan devotions entitled Seeking Light In the Darkest of Days. I posted the first two parts elsewhere in this blog, but didn't finish writing because, as I often do, I put it away to do something else.(Please excuse any misspelling or bad formatting in those copies because I have a bad habit of hitting the publish button without checking my copy!) >You can find parts I and II by searching this blog, or going to AmethJera's Broom With A View Facebook page and finding the links there.<

The Falling Of Sacred Leaves

It is no secret that Autumn is my favorite season. Here in Appalachia the Autumn is short, but fierce: the mountainsides turning red and gold practically overnight as soon as the temperature dips.

Brilliant colored leaves seem to give themselves away as they momentarily show, then wither, and finally fall gently to the ground. That is most days; on other days the wind shakes the few who stubbornly remain firmly attached to the branches. By late November the ground is covered with a crunchy carpet of twisted, dry leaves. The days are noticeably shorter and colder. The last of the harvest is in and stored. I see fewer animals grazing in the pastures, and hear the ducks and geese on their way to warmer climates.

To me this has always been one of those times outside of time. It has an odd, slightly disorganized feel to it, and an urgency that bubbles up through time from ages past.

"For friends, family, food and fellowship, we are thankful."
We are thankful for what is still here, and fondly remember what and who is not. We are thankful for what has come from the land to sustain our health and what is beneficial to our continued survival. In the cold nights heralding the long Winter, we gather ourselves, our memories, and what is precious to us closer and  spread our mantle over to keep warm. The candles burn brightly in the increasingly long and dark nights, and our thoughts turn inward. Life feels more sacred somehow, just as the falling of the leaves seem almost sacrificial.

But magick is still afoot. We bring evergreen branches inside to remind us that there is still life in these dark, grey days. Our homes are decorated with wreathes and garlands, berries, pods and bright babbles that reflect the twinkle of starlight. We surround ourselves with the aroma of pine, cinnamon and other warming spices. We make music to bring joy uplift our moods and spirits. ( Did you know that  Over the River and Through the Woods was actually written for Thanksgiving and not Christmas? Here's a recipe for making the house smell inviting and to banish the stale indoor smell caused by having to keep the windows closed:

A saucepan half filled with water
A handful of pine needles. Toss in small pines cones, too.
A spoon of each: ground cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves
A sprig or two of eucalyptus
A small citrus fruit, sliced ( I like orange )
A small apple, sliced

If you have the oils and would rather, substitute pine oil, orange oil,lemon oil,cinnamon oil and eucalyptus oil, about 3-5 drops of each.

Blend all of the above in the saucepan of water and place on a back burner of the stove on very low heat. Keep a watch on the level of the water and occasionally top it up. Even though this concoction smells wonderful, it is not edible-do not take it internally. When finished, take out the fruit and strain out the solids. The liquid may be poured in a jar and kept to be reused. Because it has no preservatives, occasionally check stored liquid for mold.

The preparation of this mixture may be used as part of a conjuration to not only warm and freshen your home with it's aroma, but with the energies of the ingredients. Most of the ingredients have Sun/fire energies, used for protection, prosperity and opening consciousness- perfect for The Thanksgiving holiday, or thanks-giving at other times during the colder seasons.

Paganism: We Are Poisoning Ourselves

Chards/Explosion/Energy image via papercraft.com

Sunweaver posted a blog to Pathoes Pagan/The Agora that pretty much reflects where I am now personally and how I feel about continuing this blog.

The NeoPagan community has always been passionate about emotional expression. The discussions are lively, spirited and often controversial. I like a good conversation, even when opinions conflict as long as it is civil and done respectfully. I try to operate from a place of compassion when the conversation turns serious and I will confess now that I don't always achieve that standard because, yes, I am just that much of a sassy smartass at times. There is a time and place for snark, and most of us have not yet mastered it to the level of brilliance of the late George Carlin (Look him up on YouTube if the name doesn't ring a bell; just so you know, he's not PC. I make no apologies for him). Our attempts at coolness, or whatever we're calling it this week, often come off flat... or worse, make us look like obnoxious middle school twits. Which is why I am a big fan of writing in a pragmatic tone. There are less misunderstandings that way.

Social media and blogging has been a two-edged sword since their inception. More that ever, it is possible to simply type a few sentences and hit 'post' or 'publish'. What you thought was a deeply thought provoking or a witty come back has not only gone out to the audience you intended,but seen by everyone else. It often takes on a life of its own as it ripples out into cyberspace much like the proverbial pebble tossed into a pond. And more often than not you end up making yourself look like a jackass. Not only does what you send out keep going and going, it be there forever. So think,Gentle People, just think before you hit that button. Anytime you post a comment to the Internet, you are unwittingly creating your verbal legacy. The old saying that "words have power" and the accompanying admonishment to choose them wisely has never been more true than when applied to expressing your opinion online. And no matter how proficient you are at linguistic expression, no matter how well you color your words, they still have the potential to be misunderstood because all of us process information differently. Our points of reference are unique to ourselves; no one thinks just like you although we may agree on many of those points.

To quote Sunweaver, the Pagan blogsphere has become toxic. Especially, I believe, as of late. Too many of the conversations are disrespectful, negative and intolerant. There are entirely too many personal attacks. The conversation has turned into a contest to see who can scream their pet agenda the loudest.  (It reminds me of  a bunch of teenage thugs standing on the street corner, hurling insults  to out-rank the other;" I'm a devotee of the Great God Horshack. Up your nose with a rubber hose!") When did we become so  threatened and fearful that we needed to turn on each another? The arguments aren't even about occult, magickal or spiritual practice - they are about things like gender, which to me is beyond preposterous. Why are we so damn concerned with the sexual identification of someone we aren't likely to ever be having sex with anyway? As a biological woman I have never felt threatened in any way by another woman, trans or otherwise. Women's Mysteries are no different than other Mysteries: they are there to be discovered and experienced. Who the hell am I to refuse anyone a place at the table of  the Goddess anyway? Being a priestess doesn't give me that prerogative. None of us are that special. Surely the Goddess is  inside that other person as much as She is in me, because we are all seekers. The genetics of a particular individual will not dilute Women's Mysteries, and if you think it will, then I humbly suggest you stop polluting the Divine with pithy human projections. We all stand at the gateway of Wonder, and we all are clad in the same robes. Entering the sixth decade of my life I'm pretty sure I know who I am by now. I've put a lot of work into becoming the person I am today. I am comfortable and confident in the woman I am. And then... there are the individuals who have announced they are no longer Pagan, which is usually said in a tone of voice that indicates that somehow they are taking a turn to a higher road the rest of us have missed. To be quite blunt...who cares anyway?  I do agree that there are days when the voices blend into so much babbling that the noise becomes too loud; I too, just want to turn off the noise.  It gets to me. I want to unplug because my ears are ringing. I empathize with those who want to disconnect out of weariness and frustration. Today I am right there with them, because  I, too, am tired of the Pagan Snark Fest. Elvis is not the only one who wants to leave the building. Sigh.


Sometimes I need to step back, sit down and make some popcorn. Other times I want to walk away mumbling a plaintive,"Fuck this" to myself. But...I can't. I simply can't because for me being Pagan isn't about other people. It's about who I am at the intersection of all the parts of my existence. It's about how things have come together and the synergy of my life.  It's about  how I express my spirituality. It is about what I hold sacred. It's about how I understand my relationship to the Divine in its many forms. It's about how I view the world through the lens of The Craft. I am not going to engage in pretentious posturing about who and what is  Pagan, because deep down, I can only define that for me. As disappointed and outright disgusted as I occasionally get about the behavior of others in our community, I have to continually remind myself that I can't change them. I can change only me. Eventually I'll get over it.  I am so deeply vested in this form of religious expression and spirituality that I cannot leave now and remain true to who I have become. I don't want to leave; I want to expand, to take all the beauty and sorrow, the good and the not so good within me and return whatever I can that might be beneficial to the Universe. I want to keep learning and perfecting my Craft. Over time and self-examination my definition of who I am is more realistically like the Egyptian Negative Confession formed by who I am not. I have run the list of checks and balances, and the balances are still more plentiful. Don't like to call yourself Pagan or NeoPagan? Fine. Find something that suits you or invent another word; but be aware that the world will still call you the standard umbrella definition of Pagan, because the world doesn't cater to individual preferences. That's YOUR world, where you can be whomever you want to be. Personally, I don't like or dislike the words Pagan or NeoPagan. While I don't think either are perfect fit, it's what we have to work with for now and who we will be continue to be identified as by the mainstream.

Let's move beyond the negativity, folks. We have become sick from it. Let's have discussions instead of flame fests. Put something beneficial or at least positive out there. It may sound corny, but let's speak love, compassion and tolerance and mean it. We can agree to disagree and still allow everyone to retain their dignity. If we continue the current trend, we will destroy our own culture. And there will be no one else to blame but ourselves.




The link to Sunweaver's insightful post is found here:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/agora/2015/11/making-light-the-pagan-blogosphere-is-toxic/#disqus_thread

Jack's Eyes: A Story of Samhain

"Old" Samhain, or the time when the Sun enters 15 degrees of Scorpio - the true cross quarter - is November 7th. It's an opportunity to celebrate the lives of those who have crossed the veil on a quieter day.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I have a favorite terra cotta Jack-O-Lantern that sits on my desk throughout the dark nights of the year.[http://amethjera.blogspot.com/2012/08/jack-o-lantern.html]
I light the candle in Jack at night when I do my devotions ( usually from Caitlin Matthew's wonderful book Celtic Devotional) Since I have a rather curious feline sharing my living space now, Jack's candle is one of those battery operated types, which I personally find less satisfactory aesthetically, but I don't want a singed furbaby, either. It's a compromise I'm willing to make for the safety of us both.

During the late hours of Hallowe'en night I 'lit' Jack's candle and decided to leave it on to 'burn' as long as the battery lasted. Then I made my ritual of memory to my ancestors and beloved dead. The candle shining through Jack's serene face continues now for seven nights, when it should have quit a few days ago. I'm not claiming any sort of miracle. No Pagan gods or Jack Skellington have appeared on my toast. But I do believe that someone is  reaching through the Veil, someone is still about, watching over us, or being present, because that light is still shining.

The light is growing dimmer, but it is still definitely flickering. It has been doing so from those late hours of All Hallows, through All Saints' and All Souls' Days, through the designated period of Dia de Muertos and the rest of the week right up to today, which is astrological Samhain. Life is full of things we don't understand and aren't meant to. Mystery simply is.

Today's energy is that of the day which exactly stands between the Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice-a time outside of time. For me, it is the beginning of the Deep Indwelling, when the world begins to slow and rest, vegetation dies back, animals lay their store for the cold months. Early Autumn has been warmed by the Nature's bursting forth with the colors of fire; late Autumn mutes to soothing earthiness and quiet. Soon the ground will harden beneath frost and the air will be tinged with a crisp chill. Nature-on the surface- will lie fallow and dormant. Deep down the process of renewal and regeneration will begin, hidden from our eyes until the first spark of Brigit's flame.

Jack's eyes are growing dim, and the Veil is closing for another year. Our Beloved Dead, who are always available when we need them, are slowly returning to the Sacred Isle of Avalon.